Immorality

Just lately Oi went on Facebook. Cripes—din’t they ever want ter know all about yew; loike yer politics an’ religious views an’ such. An’ ‘ere Oi was, not even knowing Oi ‘ad anyfink loike that. An’ when it comes ter religion, Oi can’t ‘elp noticin’ that lots o’ ovver people ain’t so sure neither. Any’ow, Peter an’ me, we ‘ad a bit of a barney about it. An then Oi remembered as ‘ow we scrapped over it when ‘ee first come ter live near me. Moi gang ‘ad “borrowed” ‘is cart loike. An’ Oi knew somefink about it. An’ so we was arguin’ about tellin’ lies an’ immorality:

‘Oi don' tell lies’ Oi said. ‘That's immoral.’

‘Immoral! What do you know about immorality. You don't go to church.’

‘Yew sound jus’ loike yer mum. Oi 'ears 'er goin' on at yew sometimes when the winder's open.’

‘She's not my mum; she's my aunt.’

‘That's not what moi mum says.’

‘What d'you mean?’

‘Nuffin',’

‘She's―  my―  aunt.’

‘Yeah, yeah, okay. Any'ow, yew don't have ter go ter no church ter know what's immoral. What's immoral is when yew 'urt somebody or somefink on purpose. Oi ain't hurtin' yew none if'n Oi tells yew where yer cart is. An it don't 'urt nobody else neither; so long as JJ don' find out it were me wot told yer.’

‘How can you be so sure that JJ won't find out?’

‘Oi said yew was slow, 'n Oi weren't wrong. ‘S'obvious that Oi ain't gonna tell 'im— 'ee'd kill me. An' yew won't tell nobody it was me, neither.’

‘How can you be so sure of that?’

‘D'yew want yer cart back or not?’

‘You know I do.’

‘Then yew'll do as Oi says, or else.’

‘Why are you doing this?’

‘Oi 'ave moi reasons. Let's jus' say that Oi've got somefink ter settle wiv JJ. Besides, Oi loikes yer.’

‘Okay, I'll do what you ask as long as it's not immoral.’

‘It ain't immoral. Oi jus' wants yew ter show me again how yew beat the Slug in the privy.’

‘That's immoral!’

‘No it ain't. It don't do no 'arm to nobody, so long as Oi don't tell. That way, yew won't tell nobody it was me wot told yew where yer cart is. If'n yew do, yer 'oly aunt will get to 'ear as 'ow yew showed me 'ow yew beat the Slug.’

‘I won't do it! It's blackmail.’

‘It ain't any  colour o’ mail. Just a little ole agreement between the two of us.’

(Gang Territory Chapter 17)